Sadness

It's late. It's really late. And I have to write a novel. And an essay. For TOMORROW.

Oh hi there. It's me. Your shining star. Your living rose. Your.... sexy elephant.. I don't know what I'm saying

So anywayyyyyyy, let's just get right to the point of my deepening THOUGHTS of epic epicness.

Okay, so as many of you may know, I have a cuddle buddy, a chick friend, a fiancée, a love buddy, a dudette person, a future wife, a person I'm "In a relationship" with... y'know... Her name is Becca. If you've read my tweets, you may have deduced that, maybe, if you're smart, maybe...?

Anyhoosle, Y'knowww, how I'm all happy and joyful and cheering-people-up-like? Well, I just came upon Becca and it was sort of maybe my turn to be kind of sad-ish... Meaning really sad. Aaaand I'm usually the one who makes people happy (I hope) And I tell them all this good stuff that sometimes sort of helps them.

And I was sad, and I was being a pathetic form of myself, really like, being really really hard on myself and stuff, and she fed me the exact same words I tell everyone else. She gave me what I give to other people, she verbally handed to me stuff that she herself does not follow, because as I said, I'm usually the cheerer-upper person, usually, more frequently with Becca, which is fine, because she is...

...let's not go into that...

...Anywayzz, but, it didn't work. And I told her; I told her that it just doesn't work, that when I'm sad, i'm pretty much screwed over, because nothing will work on me except maybe words from a parent or something. Because I know how it all works, I know how the other person is thinking when they say those cheering-up thoughts, because I use them frequently. And it kinda sucks.

I don't really know why I'm blogging about this.

Heading back into the storyyy.... It's like, I dunno, the CEO of Burger King eating at Burger King, it just doesn't happen. It doesn't happen because the CEO of Burger King knows BK's secrets, the secrets behind the deliciousness of it's food, and if he eats the food,, he would taste the lies that lie within it, and it would not be very tasty. It the same thing: I know how it works. And..... If you're like that, watch out.

I guess I have to incorporate my audience into this blog, eh?

I'm just trying to get things off of my chest. Make them fall off of my shoulders.

Oddness.

Another thing, crying. tears. Tearing up. It's... uncommon, for me. The last time I've cried was in 6th grade I think... the last time I've super like, cry-cried, meaning like, I couldn't talk and stuff. That time and last Christmas. That sucked.

Anyhoosley doosley, I find it really hard to cry, because whenever someone else cries, I see it as somwhat part of them, I see embarrassment and I see sadness, and worst of all.. I see weakness. How do I see weakness in crying? Am I really that cold? Anyway, I find it hard to cry, because my mind has built up this barrier between the real me, the sad me, the distraught me, and the crying me. Crying is like, me coming to an all time low. Hehe. All Time Lows.... Hehehe,....

Anyway, if I ever cry, I become so hard on myself because I've become so weak, I've stooped down so low so that I can cry, if I ever go that low, I feel as if I'm as low as like, homeless people. Low meaning understood, not bad, but like, low meaning being hard on yourself as knowing that people "rank" so much higher than you. Powerless, that's a good word for it. I feel powerless. And so then I just fell like nothing is as pathetic as me.

It kinda sucks.

why am I blogging about this??

Well I don't know... Just.. as a fair warning, no one ever become like me, no one should see things the way I see them. By reading this blog, I guess you are just looking at the dangers that I don't know... lie ahead of you? Or maybe West or northeast of you. Take the right path, children =P Anyway, just don't become me.

That sounds kinda pathetic =P

Well, I guess I'll just leave you to think about.. I don't know.. sadness. Yeah, I'll leave you to think about sadness.

Seeya,

Forever and ever yours,

-Alex